thoughts from Phoenix

So I am back in Phoenix. This always seems to be a place I can slip away to for a chance to reflect and to relax. Yeah there may even be a few less than graceful moments. As evidenced by the tumble I took last night.

So all morning I have been trying to formulate my thoughts and fought the impulse to just write down all the things going through my head. So after some mindful meditation and even a quick dip in the pool I have accepted that I need to write these thoughts out even for me.

I have been juggling three terms in my head all morning. The three demons are Fear, Doubt and Anger. These are valid reactions that at the same time have no use. Last night I was fighting with these three as my friend and I went for a walk with her little dog. It was while walking like "a cat on fire" as my friend put it that I took a bad step in the dark and managed to throw myself to the ground. Pain helps you put things back into prospective. It doesn't have to be physical pain but that can act like a cosmic 2x4 to give you a wake up call.

I had worked myself up into such a frustrated state that the physical exercise of the walk was the best way to try and release some of those feelings. But my anger was based in fears and doubts that was more counter productive to what I needed to be working on. Fears only paralysis and prevent you from seeing the love of all that is around you. Fears may cause you to doubt those things in your heart that you know to be true. Once you feed these doubts and fears then there are only two choices left. Do you want to get angry or give up on what you are trying to find?

One of my current favorite CD is "The Journey Home" by Gurunam Singh. During the song "Dukh Par Har" there is a quote that talks about how "it is foolish to be angry". This is a meditation or chant to move from pain to peace. The one thing I have always accepted is that it takes the application of love to help slay these demons and find the courage to move forward. This doesn't mean that there isn't work to be done to move from this place of pain towards peace or sense of balance. The trick is remembering to be mindful of finding the divine with in all around you. Then you can learn and move forward and hopefully not keep repeating the same mistakes.

Maybe next time it will not take a cosmic 2x4 to help me find the courage to release the negative feelings I am fighting with.